The Other Woman/ Man

10 Telltale signs that you may be the other woman/ man. Now these aren’t definite but they sure do apply to almost all other woman/ man characteristics. You may be the other woman/man if:

- He/She only answers their phone certain times of the day.
- They never invite you to their place
- They tend to dodge questions about their past.
- They only show up at funny times (early morning, late night) and never sleep over.
- They don’t let you talk to their parents or when they do they refer to you as “friend”.
- Public dates are very far and few.
- They tell you to “be quiet” when they are on the phone or go to a private area to talk.
- While talking to you the phone suddenly “hangs up” and they don’t call you back for hours.
- Almost NO commitment.
- Holidays (Christmas, Valentines Day, etc.) go by and you don’t hear from them.

-Z.I.

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Why Most Relationships Don't Work

The sad fact is that when people think that they have found the “love of their life” they have only invested time and energy into getting to know and like the “personality” of their lover and not their “character”. Here is a perfect example. How many times have you heard people say “oh, he/she has a great personality”? Do you ever hear people say “oh he/she has excellent character”? Probably not which is why most relationships go south soon after the introduction phase is over. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best. You should judge people by the content of their character. If you can’t tell the difference between the two just remember that “personality” is how a person behaves when they are in public and “character” is how a person behaves in private, when no one is around. And since we all are in private more than in public, a person’s character should far outweigh their personality Let me explain further. When you initially meet a person if they are interested in you they are going to highlight and show you most if not all of the good things about them. If they are good at that then they have a leg-up on you already. Most people are sold from this point on (see: Love at First Sight) but remember, this is the person’s public side (personality) so it is designed to show off the person’s beauty (which is only skin deep by the way). You have to take the extra time to figure out the “content of this person’s character” (which is to the bone). now this can be hard, because from my own experiences the top three ways to find out a person’s character are unfortunately the last three ways you want to do it: by marriage, by conception of a child, and by moving in with the person. Those three things will GUARANTEE you a person’s character will be exposed but at those levels of commitment it isn’t a practical way to go. So what’s my advice on exposing someone’s character without too much risk? It’s simple. Look at their credit report. It may sound really stupid but think about it (which most people these days DO NOT do). How does the world view people? If you want a bank loan for a house, car, credit card or pretty much anything else do they approve you based on your personality? Hell no!!! They look at your credit score to see how “TRUSTWORTHY” you are and what risk they have of loaning you the money. This applies to relationships as well. First of all if a person can’t pay their bills on time it shows a lack of “RESPONSIBILITY” credit reports will show that. If a person is in debt over their heads and they have “FINANCIAL” problems a credit report will show that as well. And finally if a person doesn’t want you to show you their credit report then it is definitely a sign of “INSECURNESS” or something that they are trying to hide. Now personality alone CANNOT show you how TRUSTWORTHY, RESPONSIBLE, AND FINANCIALLY SECURE a person is, but character can, and what better way to find out these things about a person than their credit report? Now remember if you are planning to spend your life with this person and they are as well then that means that you at least trust each other and if you trust each other then they should have no problem showing you their credit report (and you as well, these conversations go both ways). But that’s just my advice. I’m not Dr. Phil, but when it comes to relationship advice I think I am second to NONE. I don’t tell you what you want to hear, I tell you what you need to hear.

Z.I.

Love at First Sight

Ah yes we all have been here before. You see him/her walking up from a mile away glowing like a bright star. Their walk: perfect. Their talk: 10/10. Everything about them seems complete and then BAM!! You are hit with the love bug and now you don’t know what to do. Most people call it “Love at First Sight” but I call it “Love Sight, At First”. We all want that Romeo or Juliet but we never want to put in the work to get it. Much like get rich quick programs where false promises are made in the beginning but no decent results in the end you can almost always assure this will happen with love sight at first. Nothing comes easy people. And relationships are no different. I’m not saying that all love sight at first is wrong, but the success/ fail ratio isn’t high enough to justify it for me. Long healthy relationships are usually not based upon as heavily on first impression as it is with compatibility, and how much compatibility can you find out about if you are so mesmerized by their looks within the first 20 minutes of seeing them? Bottom line to this one is this: Rome wasn’t built in a week so don’t expect many results from only doing a week’s worth or homework on your new love craze.

-Z.I.

Cheating

In this post I will deal specifically with cheating. What is cheating you may ask? Well lets start by defining the root word, which is cheat. It is defined as (according to Merriam-Webster Online): 1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting. Now in regards to cheating in relationships I think the second and third definitions are more prevalent. Cheating in relationships is an unfortunate but highly committed act. The main cause for cheating can vary but most cheating follows the same patterns which is why I dont understand how so many people can't tell when their partner is cheating.Now I for one am not the smartest man on the planet, but I do possess an amazing ability to be able to tell when cheating has (or will) occur. "Most people" think that they know if their partner is cheating yet "most people" are the ones who get cheated on everyday. One of the main reasons people get cheated on without being aware is, say it with me people, DENIAL. We all think that we have the best relationship and our “life partners” are perfect beyond a reasonable doubt, but how many of us really sit down and ask ourselves “is it possible for this person to cheat on me”? The honest answer is yes, they can. The act of cheating can be accomplished by everyone on this planet just as the act of sweating can be accomplished by anyone running in 85 degree weather. What happens in most relationships’ that literally opens the floodgates for cheating is when one person eliminates the cheating factor completely from the other person’s portfolio. This not only puts them at an unfair disadvantage because it causes them to disregard certain acts of infidelity no matter how small they are, but It also gives the soon-to-be cheater much more wiggle room to do it because you aren’t suspecting or questioning any of their actions. My advice to you is this: NEVER eliminate the cheating factor from someone’s portfolio. Always go into relationships initially with your guards up. Remember, most people put on their best show for their first impression. But you are not just basing your decisions on their personality alone, but their character as well. Get more info on them find out a little bit about their background. Why didn’t their last relationship work? Also find out their VALUES as compared to yours. This is a critical one. If you are already in the relationship by the time you are reading this hope is not lost! All people can cheat but you have to look at your partners PROBABILITY to cheat, and you cant do that if you have eliminated cheating from their portfolio altogether. If you want more in-depth details on how to tell if they are cheating you can hit me with an email ziggydoom@gmail.com and we can go over it more personally there.

- Z.I